The Declaration of the Noble Hopsmen of Indiana
When in the course of drinking events, it becomes necessary for a few people to dissolve the alcoholic brands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the burners, mash tuns, and fermenters, the separate and equal station to which the law of chemistry and commroderie entitle them, a decent respect to the vastness of beer kind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to home brew.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men and women’s beer creating abilities are equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among there are Malt, Hops, Yeast, and the pursuit of Beer. That to secure these rights, Breweries are instituted among Men and Women, deriving their powers from the taste buds of the served,- That whenever any Form of Brewery becomes commercialized to these ends, if the Right of the Home Brew Clubs to make beer themselves, and to institute new Breweries, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its beers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to bring satisfied taste buds to allow who partake. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Breweries long established have commercialized their beers for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the beers to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably a commercialized beer evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to make their own beer and to provide good beer for the eternity of time. Such has been the patient sufferance of these Brew Clubs; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter the commercialized beers. The history of the present Commercial Breweries is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over beer drinkers.
In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Better beer in the most humble of terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injuries of Bud Light Platinum, Gold Crown, and color changing cans. A Commercial Brewery whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to brew beer for the free people.
Nor have We, been wanting in attentions to our Brewing brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their commercialized beers to extend an unwarranted tasting by us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our conversion to home brewing and our taste for quality beer. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common brewing heritage to disavow these usurpations, which would enviably interrupt our beer consumption. They too have been deaf to the voice of good beer and mounds of hops. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies of Good Beer in War, in Peace commercial entities with no regard for hops.
We, therefore, the Representatives of The Noble Hopsmen of Indiana, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by the Authority of good beer, solemnly publish and declare, That this Brew Club are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent, they have full power to brew great beer, taste great beer, brew with excessive volumes of hops, establish great new recipes, and to do all other Acts and Things which Brew Clubs may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our brewing knowledge, our brewing abilities, our company and consumption of beer whilst others brew and our sacred Honor.
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